Hi, I am Kaya-Quintana! I run My True Life, thé stationery and lifestyle brand for Intentional Bohemians: The ones who dare to design, plan and enjoy their own True Lives.
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Hello my fellow Intentional Bohemian,
How was your February?
Mine was… interesting. I had a blast creating snail mail about self-love, but I also had to really practice it this month. Let me explain: Months ago, I ended up in a situation that I quickly flagged as ‘not for me’. But I’m no quitter, and I also think that taking time to see things from a new angle is necessary for growth. So I did. I took a few months to discover what isn’t working, and checked if I should use a new approach.
I journaled about it, and tried new ways of approaching the situation. I also asked for advice from someone I know has more knowledge about the subject. But I was raised to keep fixing myself as the solution. To have compassion for others and to always keep trying until it works, even if it hurts me. I do not agree with that approach, but I subconsciously tend to use it anyway, because it’s what I am used to.
Self-love: regard for one's own well-being and happiness.
That’s when self-love entered the chat. Because I realize that some situations and some people in it, can not be changed. No matter how hard I try to adjust myself to fix this situation, it takes two to tango. And if I’m dancing my ass off, while the other person is just blankly staring at me, I’m only going to tire myself out. While the other person keeps doing what they do anyway, without even working up a cramp.
Lesson 1. Self-love means listening to your instincts
If self-love means taking care of your own well-being and happiness, you need to listen to your instincts. I already knew that, but now I’m actually able to apply this knowledge in real life. It’s a lesson I’ve actually learned. Yay! I know this because I flagged this situation as ‘not for me’ months ago. Turns out, I was right. I was also right to give it a go anyway, because I might have been able to turn things around.
But my instincts kept negging me. I started overthinking, losing sleep and constantly adjust myself to prevent others from feeling uncomfortable. Which is ironic. Because when I asked for advice from someone who knows more about this than me, my suspicions were confirmed. This is not a me-problem, this is a: the-other-person-doesn’t-know-how-to-tango-problem. And their actions are causing me stress.
💡 So when your instincts tell you something, listen. Because it’s your subconscious looking out for you, trying to maintain your well-being and happiness.
Lesson 2. Self-love means walking away (sometimes)
I also realized it’s okay to walk away. It has nothing to do with giving up. I’m simply getting better at recognizing what’s not for me. It helps me take care of my own well-being and happiness even better. And this is just my opinion, but I think society often labels walking away from people and situations, as giving up. And giving up is seen as something bad, something weak.
I think that mentality keeps people from being happy, because they stay in situations that hurt them. Because, you know… ‘What would people think!?’ And I like to think I’m too cool for school, and that this thought has never crossed my mind. But it has. And I rarely do things I don’t want to do. Except for paying taxes. Or take a freelance gig I don’t really like to keep the lights on.
Other than that, I’ve managed to design My True Life exactly the way I want. I also learned to quickly shift gears when I encounter situations that leave me feeling sad, tired and drained. But like I said, I do sometimes feel my ego popping up. I don’t like not being able to do something, or others thinking I can’t. However, in this situation my ego is not working in my best interest. Walking away to something better is.
Lesson 3. Self-love is taking intentional action
I listened to my instincts and I decided I want to walk away. Now what!? I’m taking intentional action. I’ve been actively finding resources to get me out of this situation. So yesterday I got a call, and one resource might come through. Awesome! My point is, knowing and understanding what self-love means is step one. Step two is actually taking action to preserve and increase your well-being and happiness.
I see many miserable people, because they know exactly what’s making them unhappy. But they keep themselves in the same situation by not taking action. Don’t complain if you’re not willing to take action. Get practical about your challenges instead. Be intentional: think of solutions, make a to-do list, plan your actions and actually follow through. Because self-love is habit you can actively practice.
There’s much more to learn…
Self-love is a really interesting topic to me. Before I decided to use it as the theme for the February snail mail edition, I never really thought about in detail. But I hope these three lessons give you some journal inspiration. And if you want to receive journal prompts in the mail for April, definitely sign up for My Not So Secret Journal Club.
Each month you’ll get a:
📬 Real personalized letter
💌 Journal prompt card
🎁 Gift to decorate your journal
🏡 Free pass to our online clubhouse
📮 Free worldwide shipping! (we ship from the Netherlands, so it might take a few weeks to receive your envelope).
Stick to your plans,
Kaya-Quintana
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